Richard
3 years ago
Posted by
Abram
In:
Parenting note
http://www.ted.com/talks/rufus_griscom_alisa_volkman_let_s_talk_parenting_taboos.html
Parents claim to enjoy their kids; researchers say they're deluded.
Good points:
a) studies are done on people with no control group of non-parenting (at least the most cited one from "Stumbling on Happiness")
b) Does the parenting curve just fall under the general life curve of happiness?
c) Most studies we see are done in an North American Culture (: People in other cultures have different amounts of happiness curve levels
->maybe just an issue of not having time for children being so professionally driven = unhappiness. NOT having children in itself.
d) Stress on a marriage through needing to vent at spouse instead of directing frustration towards the child. ->(my own thing) what if this was understood by people, would it alleviate some parental marital pressures; as well as general views of personal happiness?
e)Averaged out moments of good and bad = average happiness. But it's not about instances, and averages of happiness. That is/should not be the goal of humans: "What we should be looking for is special transcendent moments that may even come at the cost of a lower average. In my own experience that's probably not a bad description of a day with a kid. As social mammals, these are the moments that give us great, great pleasure." (with a little of my own added interpretation)
f) quote: "The pleasure of having children doesn't come in the backbreaking physical labor," says McKelvey. "It's because of the funny things they say. If I didn't have funny kids, I'd be really unhappy." ----
fi) "Not many people enjoy bench presses, but they like the results. As Gilbert points out, if children bring us fulfillment, that's not a moment-to-moment pleasure. Are you fulfilled? How about now? Now?"
g)quote: " "It changes the framework of happiness altogether," Karon says. "It changes the benchmarks. By the measures that you used to determine your happiness before you had children, you're completely miserable. That's probably why so many people are so scared of it — because they don't have access to another paradigm."
h)quote: "The longer you live in life, the more you appreciate things. And the things that were meaningful are that much more meaningful, and the things that are meaningless are forgotten."
Conclusion: Does "average" happiness (balanced out instances of happiness measures) really matter? REALLY?
One last thought: "Romantic relationships have so many tensions and complications," says Steinke. "At least in my relationship with my daughter, she gets mad at me, but if only I could forgive my boyfriend as fast as I can forgive her. There's not any particle of residue after we make up. That's a good lesson."
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a) studies are done on people with no control group of non-parenting (at least the most cited one from "Stumbling on Happiness")
b) Does the parenting curve just fall under the general life curve of happiness?
c) Most studies we see are done in an North American Culture (: People in other cultures have different amounts of happiness curve levels
->maybe just an issue of not having time for children being so professionally driven = unhappiness. NOT having children in itself.
d) Stress on a marriage through needing to vent at spouse instead of directing frustration towards the child. ->(my own thing) what if this was understood by people, would it alleviate some parental marital pressures; as well as general views of personal happiness?
e)Averaged out moments of good and bad = average happiness. But it's not about instances, and averages of happiness. That is/should not be the goal of humans: "What we should be looking for is special transcendent moments that may even come at the cost of a lower average. In my own experience that's probably not a bad description of a day with a kid. As social mammals, these are the moments that give us great, great pleasure." (with a little of my own added interpretation)
f) quote: "The pleasure of having children doesn't come in the backbreaking physical labor," says McKelvey. "It's because of the funny things they say. If I didn't have funny kids, I'd be really unhappy." ----
fi) "Not many people enjoy bench presses, but they like the results. As Gilbert points out, if children bring us fulfillment, that's not a moment-to-moment pleasure. Are you fulfilled? How about now? Now?"
g)quote: " "It changes the framework of happiness altogether," Karon says. "It changes the benchmarks. By the measures that you used to determine your happiness before you had children, you're completely miserable. That's probably why so many people are so scared of it — because they don't have access to another paradigm."
h)quote: "The longer you live in life, the more you appreciate things. And the things that were meaningful are that much more meaningful, and the things that are meaningless are forgotten."
Conclusion: Does "average" happiness (balanced out instances of happiness measures) really matter? REALLY?
One last thought: "Romantic relationships have so many tensions and complications," says Steinke. "At least in my relationship with my daughter, she gets mad at me, but if only I could forgive my boyfriend as fast as I can forgive her. There's not any particle of residue after we make up. That's a good lesson."
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