The Frame Machine

(read after reading below? maybe)
Journal Notes Dec. 10: Listening to Andrew McMahon interview. Key points that just seem to fit in with my life right now. We are all connected and we share experiences on all levels?
The odd man out
warped
i have the ability to forgive
Outlets people are connecting to
having a hard time following you here
screw it
moved my way across the coutnry
make your own decisions
piano punk rock band/ punk pop
it was our headay
we moved out
close to my moms brother before he passed
had run dry
these things that are given, can just as easliy be taken
hit me
(read after reading below? maybe) also for those of you not keeping up: a/v: Why'd you have to wait to find me...

I think we've all thought of this before, but going off someone elses thing.

When I think about love in marriage what does it mean. I've always thought to myself, is there really marriage in heaven? is there really a perfect and only someone for everyone? or anyone?

I think (maybe) no. not the a bigger sense anyways.

In heaven isn't it just going to be everyone? how much can you actually dislike them if they are family in Christ? what enmity is there between family, sure they can be annoying, and piss you off, and actually wrong you, but how can you ever hate something.

I think forgiveness comes into this too, can you ever NOT FORGIVE family? Someone said LOVE = FOREVER. Let me add on to that and say. GOD =love =FAMILY = Forever.

I always thought, if I never found my perfect match I think I would be fine, because we are all family and as long as I have people who love me, life is worth it.

I think love may have been distorted over time, what is love. does it change. has it changed. what does society see as love now. is marriage of two people more sacred then family as it has been put. isn't marriage just to make you part of family on earth. is committing adultery, any worse then stabbing a friend in the back? = open ended statement

Is marriage for everyone? NO? I want to believe that marriage if for me, cause I want to have children one day, i think..., and I wanna have someone to well , you know, your all human.
But am I suppose to, or = 2nd open ended statement

To wrap up another blarg of thought: I always feel good about knowing all the collective people I have ever meet, I will meet again. God willing. And us willing?

as always. to be continued... = life ----> including: leaps of faith
and: (remeber to add snew song link here)

my Brain:

So I can't ever seem to get things done these days. I actually think I worked harder in highschool.

Shit I frikin miss frakin drama, I hope I make it into the musical production next term...

I am seriously self destructive, but not even in the cool way.

lol its jon in a frikin fidel castro outfit. eww I hate amy winehouse.

mm juice.

As the animals come out
thier restless and ravinous for your touch
and we're the rag doll in the wind just spinning in circles
dear you don't look so well

I wonder if I'll ever get to play with a full band again...

Have you moved on, found something better? I'm trying. . . dammit....

fak!! I got a frakin 67!!!??

new expression of the year: porno
ex: 007 Quatum of Solice is frakin porno; that's porno

wow its 4:44 I frkin hate eating dinner at shitty times like this, fat unpleasent lady is probably serving... crap.

Nothing feels real, and home feels lost. but it was good that one night we had... it did get unawkward it just took time.
Cause I am lately horney, so why would she take me horney. I think I under stand the words of elephant a little bit more now.
shit what was that thing I was gonna write?!!! crap!!

I always loved the winter
You said you loved the autumn in my eyes
I said I loved a fire
You preferred those city lights
I live for the dark sky
you said I'll be your sunrise
Lets sing all night
I remember the song that lasted us till dawn

I'll be the heads to your tails
you said, I'll be the blue to your sea
your the one that keeps me grounded
dear your my gravity

We planned for London
You said lets go to France
We'll sail Vienna, lets take a chance
I'm tired of living in hindsight
screw the what ifs

I've spent my entire life wearing down my edges trying to fit in,
I just wanna go to the place where I should have been
Just hold me tight and let me feel you fit with me
blah blah gah ......shit there that goes screw it hopefully this will eventually work itself out...

campfires, sand, grass, nighttime, sunset, sunrise, airplane, satellite, sound of birds at 5:46 am, her eyes, pitch black, warm, cool shiver/shot, clear/lucent smell, silence, quite laughter, accidental brush, wide open, closed softly, a cluster closely knitted; heaven? :)

add more:

I think if I didn't know God I would be the next Hitler.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iLldYHZLca0&feature=related

So awake for the first time
The last times and the best times
home feels so alone
I 've just come back from a trip
theres no way you can understand right now
but when you do, you'll sing along, so hard, and so loud

I wanna go home to my friends and those moments
To those fires on the beaches, to the singing of songs and those happy birthdays candles in a tiny little gazebo hut,
To the night times we ran, and walked, and we talked about something, about everything, about nothing at all,
Slept on the the coast, and we all lie down and just are on this shore,
We drank together, ate together, sat silent together,
we laugh, and we cried, and we hurt, and we worried,
we praised, and complained together, and this place was our playground.
Now everythings gonna change, won't someone bring me home.
Lets swing, throw stones and ice into the water forever. (And we'll call this home)<-3rd time end
Play in sand, and fly some kites.
So I listen to music to help me fight off breathless fears.
Stop this bus and heat, and bring me back to the night.

Looking at the present and future,
walking slow don't wanna go back to the room with four walls
and the fucking problems,
Sitting woken from the dream
sound of the mouse and the hum of the screen, and this modern scene
I hate this life, I know I'll get through it somehow, but right now...

I wanna go home, I wanna go home, I want to go home,
To home, but not here, not here
I want to lie down, I want to sit up,
I wanna be awake don't miss a moment before this shock
I wanna go home to, Lord I wanna go home to...

Lets get drunk
I asked you to come out
what you have is spectacular, its been to long
No one recognizes the unknown heroes, real heroes
the ones who ask for nothing, getting nothing in return
The stone, a stroke, in the midst of the monet that makes the piece

Forgive me if I pour salt onto your new pearls of red
If I tell your story to strangers, to the ears of strange crowds.
I'm trying make these people hear, its 1984
Oh wandering sheep, wake up, wake up, wake up.
There heads are draging on the floor

Charlie reads the pages
but somthing there is wrong
A puzzle without a certian piece, a tune taken from its song
A poem without its meaning become scribbles on a page
"Am I just a clockwork orange," a lonley lost sheep said.

This girl in the yellow hooded sweatshirt passed me in the halls again,Thoses white strips cross me throught, embrace me and drag me in;And I try not to feel, cause I can't let these people see, the branches growing out to you from me, they'll burn these leaves.

Chorus
And these masks we put on everydaythey're just thin plastic sheets of pretendingwe all just make imposters of ourselvesdoes anyone really know who we are?

A few steps later I regret these stupid actions I have madebut I am petrafied;Even now I could at least try to try to try but instead I run and hide to empty rooms and take it out on furniture and walls

Chorus

I love this stuggle, its what lets me know I'm alive, and havn't just blended into the backgroundand my greatest fear is waking up from hereand looking in a mirror and finding my eyes have gone cold

Chorus
Or will this just come to an endless search for what went out?

Can we get home soon I have to do......

absolutly nothing I just finished up everything I need to do this semester....

What the CRAP, why do I miss work? why do I miss frikin procrastinating from work!!?

Gah I need some project?!!

Dammit don't wanna think about crap that annoys the crap out of me!!! [in general]

I have way to much time, I work best when I have to squeeze in recreation.

... there was a $1 mic and a Desktop PC from 1998; also a ruining enthusiasum. Oh and cause someone else went first. :

http://www.purevolume.com/shinylights/

Before: 220 new
448

After: 1 new
32

Just deleted emails from the era of Grade 8 - present.

For some reason game me some feelings of regret, and loss.

Wierd.

Highlights:
Mr. Devris/Jedi Outcast II
Elena's New years party '06
New years '07
Trip to Algonquin email
China corrospondences
and many other emails that gave birth to fun times.