The Frame Machine

I think if I didn't know God I would be the next Hitler.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iLldYHZLca0&feature=related

So awake for the first time
The last times and the best times
home feels so alone
I 've just come back from a trip
theres no way you can understand right now
but when you do, you'll sing along, so hard, and so loud

I wanna go home to my friends and those moments
To those fires on the beaches, to the singing of songs and those happy birthdays candles in a tiny little gazebo hut,
To the night times we ran, and walked, and we talked about something, about everything, about nothing at all,
Slept on the the coast, and we all lie down and just are on this shore,
We drank together, ate together, sat silent together,
we laugh, and we cried, and we hurt, and we worried,
we praised, and complained together, and this place was our playground.
Now everythings gonna change, won't someone bring me home.
Lets swing, throw stones and ice into the water forever. (And we'll call this home)<-3rd time end
Play in sand, and fly some kites.
So I listen to music to help me fight off breathless fears.
Stop this bus and heat, and bring me back to the night.

Looking at the present and future,
walking slow don't wanna go back to the room with four walls
and the fucking problems,
Sitting woken from the dream
sound of the mouse and the hum of the screen, and this modern scene
I hate this life, I know I'll get through it somehow, but right now...

I wanna go home, I wanna go home, I want to go home,
To home, but not here, not here
I want to lie down, I want to sit up,
I wanna be awake don't miss a moment before this shock
I wanna go home to, Lord I wanna go home to...

Lets get drunk
I asked you to come out
what you have is spectacular, its been to long
No one recognizes the unknown heroes, real heroes
the ones who ask for nothing, getting nothing in return
The stone, a stroke, in the midst of the monet that makes the piece

Forgive me if I pour salt onto your new pearls of red
If I tell your story to strangers, to the ears of strange crowds.
I'm trying make these people hear, its 1984
Oh wandering sheep, wake up, wake up, wake up.
There heads are draging on the floor

Charlie reads the pages
but somthing there is wrong
A puzzle without a certian piece, a tune taken from its song
A poem without its meaning become scribbles on a page
"Am I just a clockwork orange," a lonley lost sheep said.

This girl in the yellow hooded sweatshirt passed me in the halls again,Thoses white strips cross me throught, embrace me and drag me in;And I try not to feel, cause I can't let these people see, the branches growing out to you from me, they'll burn these leaves.

Chorus
And these masks we put on everydaythey're just thin plastic sheets of pretendingwe all just make imposters of ourselvesdoes anyone really know who we are?

A few steps later I regret these stupid actions I have madebut I am petrafied;Even now I could at least try to try to try but instead I run and hide to empty rooms and take it out on furniture and walls

Chorus

I love this stuggle, its what lets me know I'm alive, and havn't just blended into the backgroundand my greatest fear is waking up from hereand looking in a mirror and finding my eyes have gone cold

Chorus
Or will this just come to an endless search for what went out?

Can we get home soon I have to do......

absolutly nothing I just finished up everything I need to do this semester....

What the CRAP, why do I miss work? why do I miss frikin procrastinating from work!!?

Gah I need some project?!!

Dammit don't wanna think about crap that annoys the crap out of me!!! [in general]

I have way to much time, I work best when I have to squeeze in recreation.

... there was a $1 mic and a Desktop PC from 1998; also a ruining enthusiasum. Oh and cause someone else went first. :

http://www.purevolume.com/shinylights/

Before: 220 new
448

After: 1 new
32

Just deleted emails from the era of Grade 8 - present.

For some reason game me some feelings of regret, and loss.

Wierd.

Highlights:
Mr. Devris/Jedi Outcast II
Elena's New years party '06
New years '07
Trip to Algonquin email
China corrospondences
and many other emails that gave birth to fun times.

Songs make me think of certain people in my life.

The good, the bad, and the ugly.

Me, my support, and my anchor.

The levees are holding fast
but still....
Maybe I should build a dike.

I have 4 solid songs
and 3 solid tunes I can think of.

How do you light up the world?
One candle at a time.

Its christmas time again
merry christmas.

Please read

http://www.thestar.com/News/Ontario/article/286393

I believe in righteous anger... God forgive me if I'm wrong... >:'

I will be your silloutte always by your side
When the lights go out I'll cover you from the inside
Out, I'll be your shadow please don't try to hide
But as your silloutte I'll always be in the world beside

A beautiful storm or a killer thats what they say
They say theres a fine line
am I that romantic or the stalker
am I the lover who dances with you, or the creep that drags you to the tune

Maybe tomorrow you'll hold me tight, but for tonight, I'll stay out sight.

Add Edit: Dec 16, 10:14

You got me on my knees
You got me on the floor
You got me begging please
You got me wanting more
You got me knocking; banging on your door

I'm thinking of every moment
I can't get thoughts of you out of my mind
I'm losing shards of time
I losing sanity
You got me going insane

I guess it (you) was just a dream
I guess it was just my imagination
A made up story of broken pieces
A stupid made up puzzle of insanity

Every holiday you got me thinking when I give
of you ,I wonder if you would want somthing too
I just wanna see you maybe be wanted back
But that would take a miricle
Maybe I'll get that christmas miricle, angel

Somtimes Blogs are like a drunk phone call

I'm happy

Despite all the small shitty things in life right now I really am truely happy.

Not getting over things anymore, but just accepting them and moving on.

I'm happy :o I'm Happy:) I'm HAPPY~! :D

Love,
Abram

P.S. Prayer at 11:11
Thank You so Much my King, Great is thy faithfulness, Oh God my father.
ppss. SPC cards are awsome.

I want you to notice
When I'm not around
Your (all)so very special
I wish I was special

But am I('m) a creep am I('m) a weirdo
What the fuckin hell am I doing here?
(I) Don't I really belong here?
______________

Last nights stars were so bright.

Silence is company, 3 can be just as good, 4's a crowd.
______________
Counting...
The two of you, the other two ,Me leaving
__________

Words are enough to save a night.

Words a bright enough.
_______________

Vast beauty made is only a reflection of true/real beauty. (I love you Lord, because you first loved me; and gave me the ablility to love you)
_________

So what ever happened to our immaginations. When we were children it was all about the little things we loved at the time. Envisioning piloting a robot. Being a superhero. Being a kung fu master. Envisioning the vastness of the world you stood on.

But then we grew older and we started imagining the future. What the next day would hold, and that was exciting. Highschool ahead, a whole lifetime of play left, plaground time, recess. 15 min. or 40 min. or on those extra special days (insert #). We lived for somthing, we lived life to the fullest. School was fun, though no one ever admitted it. It was a place to be free w/ friends, and explore our own minds and grow.

Then we came to highschool. grade 9. I am afeared I asure you. Meeting new people, still not completly sure who you are, but want to get to know yourself better through new people, and growning (I seem to have a main word, or thesaurased version of a word for the blogs I write, I wonder if anyone else notices that) with your friends that stuck with you to this new plataue.

Then the *blank* starts. You start losing friends, some reasons are good, sometimes you just drift. You lose part of yourself trying to find a new you, an older you, a more matures you. Wow I'm going off topic of imagination. Well going back to grade 9. You immagin all the fun times your going to have w/ all these new people. all the fun times w/ your old and new friends, all the possiblities we had in front of us. We could actully be the things we really wanted to be if we truely belived.



So back to the *blank*, we start immagining the worst in life, the worst in people, though we still believe in goodness (well most of us) in the world, we immagine the hard trek ahead, the crap we have to face, the bullshit that has effected our lives, and made us feel down, the fake love, the fake crushes, the mirages of bullshit immagination we make oursleves belive are true, but not things that would bring us true happiness, not the things we dreamed of when we were younger. We think of the shit in our world, we stop believing half of the time.
The times we have that are happy we thank God for, but then so quickly forget, as we have forgetten the innocent days. We lose sight of what is immportant to us, even though we try so hard. and then all the blanks we try to fill in with our immagination. our STAINED immagination. Our black immagination. WE start to TRULY see things that arn't real. WE KILL OURSELVES thinking of, and making up the pages we're missing.

I'm at a blank right now, but there is so much more, so to be continued.
Though at the end of this I was going to say to be continued anways cause we arn't done living yet are we.

(So without further ado)

To be continued....

P.s. I still think that we all have a little bit of kid left in us, wanting/immagining/(hopfully)striving to be somthing more then we are.
I wanna be captain america. (except canadian, but that dosn't sound as cool)

I think my summers at home make me numb in the head, if it weren't for this computer I believe I would forget how to speak and think at all. Or of course that would free me and I would have a better more fulfilled summer, cause so far its sucked, other then... uhh yeah know.

You ever have people you expect so much from, that when it actually gets down to it they let you down, but only because you set your standards so high in the first place? Its even worse when its a friend, isn't it?

Oh and an extension of that , putting myself out there: when you built up a pursona of someone you have a like on that you actually fall for the person, but not the actual person but the being you have concocted in your mind. and even further,(this part is for every kind of relationship not just the crush kind) you want to get to know the person, but since the person is built so high up in your head that you can't approch the person very easily if at all, and makes you afraid to bring your relationship further. Wow I've always wanted to have this convo with someone, but it really is almost an impossible topic to set the stage for. On that note, I've said to much and will now conclude.

It feels like its just me but it always seems to happen that other people seem have the same thoughts. Heres hopein' Cheers.

http://www.podomatic.com/media/listen/Slipping_Through_the_Cracks_1.mp3

Username: abpheonix
Password: coolss

added:
Its just another mistake.

You left it all behind you
Thinking it was fine
I'm screaming at lungs top
Why can't I make you stop
I guess your just following your line

http://atvs.vg.no/player/?id=8336