The Frame Machine

edit: disclaimer this is not an angst ridden reflection about a girl. If that is what you got out of it please look again.

I'm older now
where has it got me
I'm still crazy about a girl
who knows nothing about me
I'm come so far, but some parts stay behind
I've painted a solid line
but it thins out at the sides
I've made it down trail ~~~~~~~~but to make it here I left
and dropped a weighty chest; a determined snail
I wonder when it will hit me and I'll need trek back
to restore what what's infected for the thing that defected
alone a brave solider who left his text of the heart skewered and mounted
on a stake what he left marked on the ground
so one day when he was again atoned it could possibly be found
an opus to write not as Beehthoven without sight
but a man without a vital lesson,
to learn bravery and might and tact and wisdom
in reality without passion
still an swiss cheeze man from the part not yet with him
when lovers go aside and friends left behind
Where will I be, I don't know which path is right
But if find my education again in matters not of my head
maybe one day I'll have reason to have found some place in a bed
but as of now still caught in my head, still caught in my head... ..........................................................................................................................................................................................................

Taken in

hey I learned to really smile. (I wish I could say "today" but it's been a bit now)

hey.

smile.

:)

(whoa accidentally stumbled on this title w/o realizing it)

So I hate old me, everything about my old weaker, less intelligent, just generally even more pessimistic depressed self.

I wonder when loathing of a past self becomes nostalgia/missing a past self?

or maybe nothing really changes at all and we just want to feel we've gotten farther then were were yesterday.

and I definitely have also missed past selves but also loathed him for not making better decisions.

OR were they correct decisions but I just can't see the reasoning anymore.

everything in transit. blehg. jan 1, '10

jan 2 edit
absence makes the heart grow fonder? or reunion makes the heart grow fonder?

fill in soon

hit the end of my rope
collapse and overloaded
something is growing
but i need it to slow
or my head's going to blow
and i don't have enough thread
to patch me up till the end of the season
even now my intentions are falling to pieces
and now with no time left i still need to wrap my head
and make it sense
and find struggling minuites
get some rest

Can't Write

Can't release

Can't

Lets go on the run
home left me behind so long ago
so why not go on an adventure
let us have some fun

We should go immediately
lest we be stricken stiff from head to toe
sooner we leave the sooner we'll know
we should find a place

Build a new world
that that would inspire soul of van gogh
a brand new place for us to go
the place in the distance

Speck that rises with the east
that from head to the arms are set algow
that shines with the west after the ticking hands have ventured their span
a place in your mind can you see it yet

have you been there yet?
if I am of the relm of not know
I have no regret
least now you've had a chance to been shown

lets run away to a place called _____.

Random random random random random random
random random random random random random
random random random random random random
rAndom
random random raNdom random random random random
random random random random random random random
random random random ranDom
random random random random randOm
random random random random random
random random random random random
random random random random random randoM
random random random random random random
random
figure it out yet?
********
fireplace with an empty fire
a flickering light and broken wire
a faint reflection a cold room of serentiy
an thoughtless head,
a wasted time (called eternity?)

*****************
damages done
damage is done

Damages to a soon to be corps
prostrate carcass stomp on it's head. again! again! hee hee!!
foot in a face crimson blood and beige bone; a grim and hilarious puddle on the floor,
a flash foreward or back, legal wordplay, an adonis of words,
hollow sentiments an echo; a trail.

edit may 09. __> imagine a young man, with a tree and a mighty tool of digging in his hand, with the swiftness of a river passing through the wind, within dense shrubs and plethora of earth colours and tones. oh and a tent and another guy with a donkey face. "HI!"

so you all know how I always say things I have inklings about but can never give real proof about. Well I do usually try to remember to look into these things as I say i do in conversations. Tonight I had some extra time and was able to look into "the penny effect". As many of you may have heard before:

put a penny onto a hornet/spider bite, or bee sting to help healing. Put on the bite site right when you are bitten.

So I looked at a handful of articles and many saying "no way its a myth", but alot of people actually having proof of experience.

Well I did not have infinite time but this is what I came up with (disclaimer: science majors please correct me if I'm wrong):

Copper is germicidal, meaning it naturally disinfects and works against bacteria through the oligodynamic effect.

And zinc has also helps speeding up healing after injury. certain types of zinc also reduce inflammatory cytokines.

differing results? (courtesy of wiki):
after 2000 AD: 94% steel, 1.5% nickel, 4.5% copper plated zinc
1999 AD- past: ~ 98.4% zinc, 1.6% copper plating

so yeah that's what I got. so you might as well try it eh? there have been alot of positive experiences with it, and skeptics online seem to usually be those who have never tried it. I have also had a positive experience with this also, ask me about it some time. But of course you should always be careful to get medical attention if it seems necessary.

So I wish I could refer you to a single place to get these answers but i pretty much spent the last hour and a half trying to piece together info.

So take from this what you will.

Cool.

Tunage clips(or future tunage)from journal:

We were hurt,
I built up walls
didn't see the walls were caging us in

I can't seem to hold myself the way I want to for you
they said we'd fit like puzzle pieces, but there's always that awkward little bit

we'll always be growing, we'll always be younger, we'll always be learning, we'll always have hunger...
at least I hope so :)

p.s. some colors were just highlights in my mind, so just ignore them for explicit meaning within the context of its place. or you could just ignore in general if you want... i guess...

(March 15)I added this because it seems unfair and a little too abstract. I defiantly found more and more regrets are building up lately.
More and more you realize how much the saying: "you don't know what you have till
its gone" applies no matter how much you fight it. I think though it was meant as a lesson it was also meant as just a simple truth. It directs you to get more out of where you are which is defiantly important but no matter how much you fight it, it still happens. Though it has been said many times, even in this little space we created, things seem smaller in the moment and just get bigger. You learn to appreciate things more (and more things), and *your heart gets bigger* so your branches grow more branches. But the small things are the things in life that will mean the most to you. And defiantly the little things in life you find in life should always be consciously hung onto. And even when you look back and find you have missed something you should have kept, you know can realize that the collection of little things you have are the things that meant the most to you in the first place.
No Regrets.

p.s.everything has its exceptions. And as always did I really get my true point across?:P
end edit.

To whom it may concern,

moments snap together like magnets, forging a chain of shackles, I can trace them. I can even with time pull them apart again. but why at the start were they magnetized at all - just those particular moments and no others, I don't know nor does anyone's else. Yet if I don't know - if I can never know that- then what am I doing here.

-Peter Shaffer
***
we were in the dark
and you were painted in colors that only we knew
our bodies bathed in the blue of a gelatran moon
you caught me, i was staring into you
and you had me
***
she met me at our coffee shop a few years later
was he worth the lies
was he worth the pain
Your hurting now and ask me to care
I'll try to be more, but there are pages that were torn
i say all these things but i leave so much unsaid
all these words are just words behind longing, jealousy and thinking of your bed
***
without revealing too much :P :)

love,
journal

I'm a dog in your rain
and I'm screemin
your screeming at air
(there was something there
but I had to get there first
you pushed me aside; we broke the line)
that old familiar stare of the wall that dosn't care

I was waiting for a change
I'm sorry I thought it was the age
I was waiting for you to grow (maybe a little old -er)
I don't know what the hell I was looking for
(why are we cursed to always want more)

But I've slowed down (we/broke down?)
please slow down
I lost the lines I memorized but please understand
The words I couldn't say
you couldn't say them at all
I guess we were stuck on the wall

We must have tracked in the mud
thier always wash us away

Yeah was just gonna post something from my journal, but chose something more comprehensive. (though it was also from there)

Music inspires, you kids have inspired me. something in me always wants to be better, thinking i could do it better then someone else. But knowing there are still amazing people out there. and hoping I am and may one day also be amazing. For you who's said 'your amazing' to me (or anyone; you know who you are), thank you. your
probably what saves us at some time or another.

Kids arn't kids for long, we'll learn our new songs, and sing in a new decade.
Messages change, we won't be the same, but we will, we will, in some way.
And songs save our souls when we have almost lost that inch of hold, where even our fingers barely fit, and our fingernails become our inch. and we will dig in just only sing to us, and we'll sing with you, and we'll fill this air with our driven waves. And challenge, challenge us more, and that's what will lift us slowly, and that's how we'll soar. <('v')>


and just cause it never feels like you completed your thought in a post:

etc...

p.s. nothing is complicated (unless you make i complicated)

Do it now. Its incredible, best new thing I've heard in a VERY long time. I know you'll love it as much as I did. really just really good as a whole.

THIS IS A MUST

(make sure to take the spaces out. oh and its like this because it has to be listened through a proxy because we're in canada and apparently american media hates us)

Must make more music. inspired.

p.s. except for the 8th and 9nth track. :P

!!attention!!: if that did not work then take this:

http://www.vh1.com/sitewide/apps/mediaplayer/index.jhtml?track=01&format=&paid=1946832&albumid=2360863&type=listeningparty&xmlFile=/artists/azdroplets/listening_party/the_fray/the_fray/album.xml&videotitle=Syndicate§ion_0=artists§ion_1=az§ion_2=fray§ion_3=2360863§ion_4=album.jhtml&refURL=/artists/az/fray/2360863/album.jhtml&adPth=/asm/adsetup/artists/&adPN=album

and copy and past it into this:

http://9start.info/index.php

So umm I guess you'll have to highlight to read stuff now... :P hope you still come by some times.

hope you like the new layout.

Amazing puppetry, amazing hands, in 3D can't wait.

(read after reading below? maybe)
Journal Notes Dec. 10: Listening to Andrew McMahon interview. Key points that just seem to fit in with my life right now. We are all connected and we share experiences on all levels?
The odd man out
warped
i have the ability to forgive
Outlets people are connecting to
having a hard time following you here
screw it
moved my way across the coutnry
make your own decisions
piano punk rock band/ punk pop
it was our headay
we moved out
close to my moms brother before he passed
had run dry
these things that are given, can just as easliy be taken
hit me
(read after reading below? maybe) also for those of you not keeping up: a/v: Why'd you have to wait to find me...

I think we've all thought of this before, but going off someone elses thing.

When I think about love in marriage what does it mean. I've always thought to myself, is there really marriage in heaven? is there really a perfect and only someone for everyone? or anyone?

I think (maybe) no. not the a bigger sense anyways.

In heaven isn't it just going to be everyone? how much can you actually dislike them if they are family in Christ? what enmity is there between family, sure they can be annoying, and piss you off, and actually wrong you, but how can you ever hate something.

I think forgiveness comes into this too, can you ever NOT FORGIVE family? Someone said LOVE = FOREVER. Let me add on to that and say. GOD =love =FAMILY = Forever.

I always thought, if I never found my perfect match I think I would be fine, because we are all family and as long as I have people who love me, life is worth it.

I think love may have been distorted over time, what is love. does it change. has it changed. what does society see as love now. is marriage of two people more sacred then family as it has been put. isn't marriage just to make you part of family on earth. is committing adultery, any worse then stabbing a friend in the back? = open ended statement

Is marriage for everyone? NO? I want to believe that marriage if for me, cause I want to have children one day, i think..., and I wanna have someone to well , you know, your all human.
But am I suppose to, or = 2nd open ended statement

To wrap up another blarg of thought: I always feel good about knowing all the collective people I have ever meet, I will meet again. God willing. And us willing?

as always. to be continued... = life ----> including: leaps of faith
and: (remeber to add snew song link here)

my Brain:

So I can't ever seem to get things done these days. I actually think I worked harder in highschool.

Shit I frikin miss frakin drama, I hope I make it into the musical production next term...

I am seriously self destructive, but not even in the cool way.

lol its jon in a frikin fidel castro outfit. eww I hate amy winehouse.

mm juice.

As the animals come out
thier restless and ravinous for your touch
and we're the rag doll in the wind just spinning in circles
dear you don't look so well

I wonder if I'll ever get to play with a full band again...

Have you moved on, found something better? I'm trying. . . dammit....

fak!! I got a frakin 67!!!??

new expression of the year: porno
ex: 007 Quatum of Solice is frakin porno; that's porno

wow its 4:44 I frkin hate eating dinner at shitty times like this, fat unpleasent lady is probably serving... crap.

Nothing feels real, and home feels lost. but it was good that one night we had... it did get unawkward it just took time.
Cause I am lately horney, so why would she take me horney. I think I under stand the words of elephant a little bit more now.
shit what was that thing I was gonna write?!!! crap!!

I always loved the winter
You said you loved the autumn in my eyes
I said I loved a fire
You preferred those city lights
I live for the dark sky
you said I'll be your sunrise
Lets sing all night
I remember the song that lasted us till dawn

I'll be the heads to your tails
you said, I'll be the blue to your sea
your the one that keeps me grounded
dear your my gravity

We planned for London
You said lets go to France
We'll sail Vienna, lets take a chance
I'm tired of living in hindsight
screw the what ifs

I've spent my entire life wearing down my edges trying to fit in,
I just wanna go to the place where I should have been
Just hold me tight and let me feel you fit with me
blah blah gah ......shit there that goes screw it hopefully this will eventually work itself out...

campfires, sand, grass, nighttime, sunset, sunrise, airplane, satellite, sound of birds at 5:46 am, her eyes, pitch black, warm, cool shiver/shot, clear/lucent smell, silence, quite laughter, accidental brush, wide open, closed softly, a cluster closely knitted; heaven? :)

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