The Frame Machine

2011-02-18T01:44:00.000-05:00

Context is everything. Don't make me remind you.

Ironic.

Parenting note

2010-12-29T15:37:00.000-05:00

http://www.ted.com/talks/rufus_griscom_alisa_volkman_let_s_talk_parenting_taboos.html

www.babble.com

Parents claim to enjoy their kids; researchers say they're deluded.

Good points:

a) studies are done on people with no control group of non-parenting (at least the most cited one from "Stumbling on Happiness")

b) Does the parenting curve just fall under the general life curve of happiness?

c) Most studies we see are done in an North American Culture (: People in other cultures have different amounts of happiness curve levels
->maybe just an issue of not having time for children being so professionally driven = unhappiness. NOT having children in itself.

d) Stress on a marriage through needing to vent at spouse instead of directing frustration towards the child. ->(my own thing) what if this was understood by people, would it alleviate some parental marital pressures; as well as general views of personal happiness?

e)Averaged out moments of good and bad = average happiness. But it's not about instances, and averages of happiness. That is/should not be the goal of humans: "What we should be looking for is special transcendent moments that may even come at the cost of a lower average. In my own experience that's probably not a bad description of a day with a kid. As social mammals, these are the moments that give us great, great pleasure." (with a little of my own added interpretation)

f) quote: "The pleasure of having children doesn't come in the backbreaking physical labor," says McKelvey. "It's because of the funny things they say. If I didn't have funny kids, I'd be really unhappy." ----
fi) "Not many people enjoy bench presses, but they like the results. As Gilbert points out, if children bring us fulfillment, that's not a moment-to-moment pleasure. Are you fulfilled? How about now? Now?"

g)quote: " "It changes the framework of happiness altogether," Karon says. "It changes the benchmarks. By the measures that you used to determine your happiness before you had children, you're completely miserable. That's probably why so many people are so scared of it — because they don't have access to another paradigm."

h)quote: "The longer you live in life, the more you appreciate things. And the things that were meaningful are that much more meaningful, and the things that are meaningless are forgotten."

Conclusion: Does "average" happiness (balanced out instances of happiness measures) really matter? REALLY?

One last thought: "Romantic relationships have so many tensions and complications," says Steinke. "At least in my relationship with my daughter, she gets mad at me, but if only I could forgive my boyfriend as fast as I can forgive her. There's not any particle of residue after we make up. That's a good lesson."

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Lyric of the day

2010-12-22T22:05:00.003-05:00

I'm just a ghost,
but still they echo me

[but] I 've got a feeling if I sang this loud enough,
You would sing it back to me

2010-11-04T00:13:00.004-05:00

Friend, of a friend, of a friend and in the end, you are the friend. Just sayin.

The days ahead

2010-10-15T16:02:00.009-05:00

edit: disclaimer this is not an angst ridden reflection about a girl. If that is what you got out of it please look again.

I'm older now
where has it got me
I'm still crazy about a girl
who knows nothing about me
I'm come so far, but some parts stay behind
I've painted a solid line
but it thins out at the sides
I've made it down trail ~~~~~~~~but to make it here I left
and dropped a weighty chest; a determined snail
I wonder when it will hit me and I'll need trek back
to restore what what's infected for the thing that defected
alone a brave solider who left his text of the heart skewered and mounted
on a stake what he left marked on the ground
so one day when he was again atoned it could possibly be found
an opus to write not as Beehthoven without sight
but a man without a vital lesson,
to learn bravery and might and tact and wisdom
in reality without passion
still an swiss cheeze man from the part not yet with him
when lovers go aside and friends left behind
Where will I be, I don't know which path is right
But if find my education again in matters not of my head
maybe one day I'll have reason to have found some place in a bed
but as of now still caught in my head, still caught in my head... ..........................................................................................................................................................................................................

June 4, 2010

2010-06-04T16:37:00.003-05:00

Taken in

give when you get a little

home is where your hands are moving

working hard

nothing wasted, nothing tossed - aside

use every scrap (till your weightless) and have a little faith (in this)

what you've given will come back to your side.

hands provide

take care, take care

hands will bring the tide

Poem

2010-03-23T19:15:00.007-05:00

a wire fence, I'll grow around
a natural embrace, a tree's disgrace
or a perfect place

Pretty much this is how I have been feeling for the last while and lyrical words really do describe a thought much better then a several page prose a lot of the time for me.

Honestly love you all so much,

Abram (March 23, 2010)

Edit: April 4th; Hey Brent this is pretty much for you unless there's anyone else around.

2010-01-18T00:27:00.004-05:00

hey I learned to really smile. (I wish I could say "today" but it's been a bit now)

hey.

smile.

:)

Everything in Transit

2010-01-02T00:33:00.004-05:00

(whoa accidentally stumbled on this title w/o realizing it)

So I hate old me, everything about my old weaker, less intelligent, just generally even more pessimistic depressed self.

I wonder when loathing of a past self becomes nostalgia/missing a past self?

or maybe nothing really changes at all and we just want to feel we've gotten farther then were were yesterday.

and I definitely have also missed past selves but also loathed him for not making better decisions.

OR were they correct decisions but I just can't see the reasoning anymore.

everything in transit. blehg. jan 1, '10

jan 2 edit
absence makes the heart grow fonder? or reunion makes the heart grow fonder?

New years Resolution

2009-12-25T00:30:00.001-05:00

fill in soon

Around the else

2009-11-09T22:34:00.001-05:00

hit the end of my rope
collapse and overloaded
something is growing
but i need it to slow
or my head's going to blow
and i don't have enough thread
to patch me up till the end of the season
even now my intentions are falling to pieces
and now with no time left i still need to wrap my head
and make it sense
and find struggling minuites
get some rest

Can't

2009-10-23T11:37:00.002-05:00

Can't Write

Can't release

Can't

[Empty line for an old Cliche]**

2009-07-27T21:50:00.020-05:00

Lets go on the run
home left me behind so long ago
so why not go on an adventure
let us have some fun

We should go immediately
lest we be stricken stiff from head to toe
sooner we leave the sooner we'll know
we should find a place

Build a new world
that that would inspire soul of van gogh
a brand new place for us to go
the place in the distance

Speck that rises with the east
that from head to the arms are set algow
that shines with the west after the ticking hands have ventured their span
a place in your mind can you see it yet

have you been there yet?
if I am of the relm of not know
I have no regret
least now you've had a chance to been shown

lets run away to a place called _____.

"insecure" is a cool sounding word

2009-05-04T22:26:00.009-05:00

Random random random random random random
random random random random random random
random random random random random random
rAndom
random random raNdom random random random random
random random random random random random random
random random random ranDom
random random random random randOm
random random random random random
random random random random random
random random random random random randoM
random random random random random random
random
figure it out yet?
********
fireplace with an empty fire
a flickering light and broken wire
a faint reflection a cold room of serentiy
an thoughtless head,
a wasted time (called eternity?)

*****************
damages done
damage is done

Damages to a soon to be corps
prostrate carcass stomp on it's head. again! again! hee hee!!
foot in a face crimson blood and beige bone; a grim and hilarious puddle on the floor,
a flash foreward or back, legal wordplay, an adonis of words,
hollow sentiments an echo; a trail.

edit may 09. __> imagine a young man, with a tree and a mighty tool of digging in his hand, with the swiftness of a river passing through the wind, within dense shrubs and plethora of earth colours and tones. oh and a tent and another guy with a donkey face. "HI!"

Bitten? the magic penny?

2009-04-12T21:48:00.006-05:00

so you all know how I always say things I have inklings about but can never give real proof about. Well I do usually try to remember to look into these things as I say i do in conversations. Tonight I had some extra time and was able to look into "the penny effect". As many of you may have heard before:

put a penny onto a hornet/spider bite, or bee sting to help healing. Put on the bite site right when you are bitten.

So I looked at a handful of articles and many saying "no way its a myth", but alot of people actually having proof of experience.

Well I did not have infinite time but this is what I came up with (disclaimer: science majors please correct me if I'm wrong):

Copper is germicidal, meaning it naturally disinfects and works against bacteria through the oligodynamic effect.

And zinc has also helps speeding up healing after injury. certain types of zinc also reduce inflammatory cytokines.

differing results? (courtesy of wiki):
after 2000 AD: 94% steel, 1.5% nickel, 4.5% copper plated zinc
1999 AD- past: ~ 98.4% zinc, 1.6% copper plating

so yeah that's what I got. so you might as well try it eh? there have been alot of positive experiences with it, and skeptics online seem to usually be those who have never tried it. I have also had a positive experience with this also, ask me about it some time. But of course you should always be careful to get medical attention if it seems necessary.

So I wish I could refer you to a single place to get these answers but i pretty much spent the last hour and a half trying to piece together info.

So take from this what you will.

Cool.

Tunage clips(or future tunage)from journal:

We were hurt,
I built up walls
didn't see the walls were caging us in

I can't seem to hold myself the way I want to for you
they said we'd fit like puzzle pieces, but there's always that awkward little bit

we'll always be growing, we'll always be younger, we'll always be learning, we'll always have hunger...
at least I hope so :)

p.s. some colors were just highlights in my mind, so just ignore them for explicit meaning within the context of its place. or you could just ignore in general if you want... i guess...

Regrets beta 1 : for and for not

2009-03-14T01:53:00.012-05:00

(March 15)I added this because it seems unfair and a little too abstract. I defiantly found more and more regrets are building up lately.
More and more you realize how much the saying: "you don't know what you have till
its gone" applies no matter how much you fight it. I think though it was meant as a lesson it was also meant as just a simple truth. It directs you to get more out of where you are which is defiantly important but no matter how much you fight it, it still happens. Though it has been said many times, even in this little space we created, things seem smaller in the moment and just get bigger. You learn to appreciate things more (and more things), and *your heart gets bigger* so your branches grow more branches. But the small things are the things in life that will mean the most to you. And defiantly the little things in life you find in life should always be consciously hung onto. And even when you look back and find you have missed something you should have kept, you know can realize that the collection of little things you have are the things that meant the most to you in the first place.
No Regrets.

p.s.everything has its exceptions. And as always did I really get my true point across?:P
end edit.

To whom it may concern,

moments snap together like magnets, forging a chain of shackles, I can trace them. I can even with time pull them apart again. but why at the start were they magnetized at all - just those particular moments and no others, I don't know nor does anyone's else. Yet if I don't know - if I can never know that- then what am I doing here.

-Peter Shaffer
***
we were in the dark
and you were painted in colors that only we knew
our bodies bathed in the blue of a gelatran moon
you caught me, i was staring into you
and you had me
***
she met me at our coffee shop a few years later
was he worth the lies
was he worth the pain
Your hurting now and ask me to care
I'll try to be more, but there are pages that were torn
i say all these things but i leave so much unsaid
all these words are just words behind longing, jealousy and thinking of your bed
***
without revealing too much :P :)

love,
journal

Song Sample Version. 2.3

2009-02-15T19:24:00.019-05:00

I'm a dog in your rain
and I'm screemin
your screeming at air
(there was something there
but I had to get there first
you pushed me aside; we broke the line)
that old familiar stare of the wall that dosn't care

I was waiting for a change
I'm sorry I thought it was the age
I was waiting for you to grow (maybe a little old -er)
I don't know what the hell I was looking for
(why are we cursed to always want more)

But I've slowed down (we/broke down?)
please slow down
I lost the lines I memorized but please understand
The words I couldn't say
you couldn't say them at all
I guess we were stuck on the wall

We must have tracked in the mud
thier always wash us away

Yeah was just gonna post something from my journal, but chose something more comprehensive. (though it was also from there)

Music inspires, you kids have inspired me. something in me always wants to be better, thinking i could do it better then someone else. But knowing there are still amazing people out there. and hoping I am and may one day also be amazing. For you who's said 'your amazing' to me (or anyone; you know who you are), thank you. your
probably what saves us at some time or another.

Kids arn't kids for long, we'll learn our new songs, and sing in a new decade.
Messages change, we won't be the same, but we will, we will, in some way.
And songs save our souls when we have almost lost that inch of hold, where even our fingers barely fit, and our fingernails become our inch. and we will dig in just only sing to us, and we'll sing with you, and we'll fill this air with our driven waves. And challenge, challenge us more, and that's what will lift us slowly, and that's how we'll soar. <('v')>

and just cause it never feels like you completed your thought in a post:

etc...

p.s. nothing is complicated (unless you make i complicated)

This is a MUST

2009-01-27T19:03:00.008-05:00

Do it now. Its incredible, best new thing I've heard in a VERY long time. I know you'll love it as much as I did. really just really good as a whole.

THIS IS A MUST

(make sure to take the spaces out. oh and its like this because it has to be listened through a proxy because we're in canada and apparently american media hates us)

Must make more music. inspired.

p.s. except for the 8th and 9nth track. :P

!!attention!!: if that did not work then take this:

http://www.vh1.com/sitewide/apps/mediaplayer/index.jhtml?track=01&format=&paid=1946832&albumid=2360863&type=listeningparty&xmlFile=/artists/azdroplets/listening_party/the_fray/the_fray/album.xml&videotitle=Syndicate§ion_0=artists§ion_1=az§ion_2=fray§ion_3=2360863§ion_4=album.jhtml&refURL=/artists/az/fray/2360863/album.jhtml&adPth=/asm/adsetup/artists/&adPN=album

and copy and past it into this:

http://9start.info/index.php

Remodeling is fun

2009-01-25T18:42:00.022-05:00

So umm I guess you'll have to highlight to read stuff now... :P hope you still come by some times.

hope you like the new layout.

This my friends is ART

2009-01-03T00:06:00.002-05:00

Amazing puppetry, amazing hands, in 3D can't wait.

Blarg #364

2008-12-11T23:47:00.014-05:00

(read after reading below? maybe)
Journal Notes Dec. 10: Listening to Andrew McMahon interview. Key points that just seem to fit in with my life right now. We are all connected and we share experiences on all levels?
The odd man out
warped
i have the ability to forgive
Outlets people are connecting to
having a hard time following you here
screw it
moved my way across the coutnry
make your own decisions
piano punk rock band/ punk pop
it was our headay
we moved out
close to my moms brother before he passed
had run dry
these things that are given, can just as easliy be taken
hit me
(read after reading below? maybe) also for those of you not keeping up: a/v: Why'd you have to wait to find me...

I think we've all thought of this before, but going off someone elses thing.

When I think about love in marriage what does it mean. I've always thought to myself, is there really marriage in heaven? is there really a perfect and only someone for everyone? or anyone?

I think (maybe) no. not the a bigger sense anyways.

In heaven isn't it just going to be everyone? how much can you actually dislike them if they are family in Christ? what enmity is there between family, sure they can be annoying, and piss you off, and actually wrong you, but how can you ever hate something.

I think forgiveness comes into this too, can you ever NOT FORGIVE family? Someone said LOVE = FOREVER. Let me add on to that and say. GOD =love =FAMILY = Forever.

I always thought, if I never found my perfect match I think I would be fine, because we are all family and as long as I have people who love me, life is worth it.

I think love may have been distorted over time, what is love. does it change. has it changed. what does society see as love now. is marriage of two people more sacred then family as it has been put. isn't marriage just to make you part of family on earth. is committing adultery, any worse then stabbing a friend in the back? = open ended statement

Is marriage for everyone? NO? I want to believe that marriage if for me, cause I want to have children one day, i think..., and I wanna have someone to well , you know, your all human.
But am I suppose to, or = 2nd open ended statement

To wrap up another blarg of thought: I always feel good about knowing all the collective people I have ever meet, I will meet again. God willing. And us willing?

as always. to be continued... = life ----> including: leaps of faith
and: (remeber to add snew song link here)

Nothing Profound

2008-11-09T16:33:00.007-05:00

my Brain:

So I can't ever seem to get things done these days. I actually think I worked harder in highschool.

Shit I frikin miss frakin drama, I hope I make it into the musical production next term...

I am seriously self destructive, but not even in the cool way.

lol its jon in a frikin fidel castro outfit. eww I hate amy winehouse.

mm juice.

As the animals come out
thier restless and ravinous for your touch
and we're the rag doll in the wind just spinning in circles
dear you don't look so well

I wonder if I'll ever get to play with a full band again...

Have you moved on, found something better? I'm trying. . . dammit....

fak!! I got a frakin 67!!!??

new expression of the year: porno
ex: 007 Quatum of Solice is frakin porno; that's porno

wow its 4:44 I frkin hate eating dinner at shitty times like this, fat unpleasent lady is probably serving... crap.

Nothing feels real, and home feels lost. but it was good that one night we had... it did get unawkward it just took time.
Cause I am lately horney, so why would she take me horney. I think I under stand the words of elephant a little bit more now.
shit what was that thing I was gonna write?!!! crap!!

Its about the right time again

2008-08-14T18:35:00.002-05:00

I always loved the winter
You said you loved the autumn in my eyes
I said I loved a fire
You preferred those city lights
I live for the dark sky
you said I'll be your sunrise
Lets sing all night
I remember the song that lasted us till dawn

I'll be the heads to your tails
you said, I'll be the blue to your sea
your the one that keeps me grounded
dear your my gravity

We planned for London
You said lets go to France
We'll sail Vienna, lets take a chance
I'm tired of living in hindsight
screw the what ifs

I've spent my entire life wearing down my edges trying to fit in,
I just wanna go to the place where I should have been
Just hold me tight and let me feel you fit with me
blah blah gah ......shit there that goes screw it hopefully this will eventually work itself out...

List

2008-07-20T00:11:00.004-05:00

campfires, sand, grass, nighttime, sunset, sunrise, airplane, satellite, sound of birds at 5:46 am, her eyes, pitch black, warm, cool shiver/shot, clear/lucent smell, silence, quite laughter, accidental brush, wide open, closed softly, a cluster closely knitted; heaven? :)

add more:

In case I ever forget

2008-06-22T23:22:00.000-05:00

I think if I didn't know God I would be the next Hitler.

hee hee hee

2008-05-27T21:05:00.001-05:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iLldYHZLca0&feature=related

2008-04-18T14:47:00.012-05:00

So awake for the first time
The last times and the best times
home feels so alone
I 've just come back from a trip
theres no way you can understand right now
but when you do, you'll sing along, so hard, and so loud

I wanna go home to my friends and those moments
To those fires on the beaches, to the singing of songs and those happy birthdays candles in a tiny little gazebo hut,
To the night times we ran, and walked, and we talked about something, about everything, about nothing at all,
Slept on the the coast, and we all lie down and just are on this shore,
We drank together, ate together, sat silent together,
we laugh, and we cried, and we hurt, and we worried,
we praised, and complained together, and this place was our playground.
Now everythings gonna change, won't someone bring me home.
Lets swing, throw stones and ice into the water forever. (And we'll call this home)<-3rd time end
Play in sand, and fly some kites.
So I listen to music to help me fight off breathless fears.
Stop this bus and heat, and bring me back to the night.

Looking at the present and future,
walking slow don't wanna go back to the room with four walls
and the fucking problems,
Sitting woken from the dream
sound of the mouse and the hum of the screen, and this modern scene
I hate this life, I know I'll get through it somehow, but right now...

I wanna go home, I wanna go home, I want to go home,
To home, but not here, not here
I want to lie down, I want to sit up,
I wanna be awake don't miss a moment before this shock
I wanna go home to, Lord I wanna go home to...

2008-04-09T21:29:00.003-05:00

Lets get drunk
I asked you to come out
what you have is spectacular, its been to long
No one recognizes the unknown heroes, real heroes
the ones who ask for nothing, getting nothing in return
The stone, a stroke, in the midst of the monet that makes the piece

Forgive me if I pour salt onto your new pearls of red
If I tell your story to strangers, to the ears of strange crowds.
I'm trying make these people hear, its 1984
Oh wandering sheep, wake up, wake up, wake up.
There heads are draging on the floor

Charlie reads the pages
but somthing there is wrong
A puzzle without a certian piece, a tune taken from its song
A poem without its meaning become scribbles on a page
"Am I just a clockwork orange," a lonley lost sheep said.

Piano Working Title : Masks

2008-03-08T22:39:00.001-05:00

This girl in the yellow hooded sweatshirt passed me in the halls again,Thoses white strips cross me throught, embrace me and drag me in;And I try not to feel, cause I can't let these people see, the branches growing out to you from me, they'll burn these leaves.

Chorus
And these masks we put on everydaythey're just thin plastic sheets of pretendingwe all just make imposters of ourselvesdoes anyone really know who we are?

A few steps later I regret these stupid actions I have madebut I am petrafied;Even now I could at least try to try to try but instead I run and hide to empty rooms and take it out on furniture and walls

Chorus

I love this stuggle, its what lets me know I'm alive, and havn't just blended into the backgroundand my greatest fear is waking up from hereand looking in a mirror and finding my eyes have gone cold

Chorus
Or will this just come to an endless search for what went out?

2008-01-26T22:29:00.000-05:00

Can we get home soon I have to do......

absolutly nothing I just finished up everything I need to do this semester....

What the CRAP, why do I miss work? why do I miss frikin procrastinating from work!!?

Gah I need some project?!!

Dammit don't wanna think about crap that annoys the crap out of me!!! [in general]

I have way to much time, I work best when I have to squeeze in recreation.

In the begininggg

2008-01-11T00:00:00.000-05:00

... there was a $1 mic and a Desktop PC from 1998; also a ruining enthusiasum. Oh and cause someone else went first. :

http://www.purevolume.com/shinylights/

Deleted History

2008-01-06T18:55:00.000-05:00

Before: 220 new
448

After: 1 new
32

Just deleted emails from the era of Grade 8 - present.

For some reason game me some feelings of regret, and loss.

Wierd.

Highlights:
Mr. Devris/Jedi Outcast II
Elena's New years party '06
New years '07
Trip to Algonquin email
China corrospondences
and many other emails that gave birth to fun times.

Thanks to You

2007-12-25T00:39:00.001-05:00

Songs make me think of certain people in my life.

The good, the bad, and the ugly.

Me, my support, and my anchor.

The levees are holding fast
but still....
Maybe I should build a dike.

I have 4 solid songs
and 3 solid tunes I can think of.

How do you light up the world?
One candle at a time.

Its christmas time again
merry christmas.

What is this world coming to tear

2007-12-17T23:20:00.000-05:00

Please read

http://www.thestar.com/News/Ontario/article/286393

I believe in righteous anger... God forgive me if I'm wrong... >:'

A Thought of Yesterday

2007-12-06T23:55:00.000-05:00

I will be your silloutte always by your side
When the lights go out I'll cover you from the inside
Out, I'll be your shadow please don't try to hide
But as your silloutte I'll always be in the world beside

A beautiful storm or a killer thats what they say
They say theres a fine line
am I that romantic or the stalker
am I the lover who dances with you, or the creep that drags you to the tune

Maybe tomorrow you'll hold me tight, but for tonight, I'll stay out sight.

Add Edit: Dec 16, 10:14

You got me on my knees
You got me on the floor
You got me begging please
You got me wanting more
You got me knocking; banging on your door

I'm thinking of every moment
I can't get thoughts of you out of my mind
I'm losing shards of time
I losing sanity
You got me going insane

I guess it (you) was just a dream
I guess it was just my imagination
A made up story of broken pieces
A stupid made up puzzle of insanity

Every holiday you got me thinking when I give
of you ,I wonder if you would want somthing too
I just wanna see you maybe be wanted back
But that would take a miricle
Maybe I'll get that christmas miricle, angel

2007-11-18T20:11:00.000-05:00

Somtimes Blogs are like a drunk phone call

2007-10-13T22:12:00.000-05:00

I'm happy

Despite all the small shitty things in life right now I really am truely happy.

Not getting over things anymore, but just accepting them and moving on.

I'm happy :o I'm Happy:) I'm HAPPY~! :D

Love,
Abram

P.S. Prayer at 11:11
Thank You so Much my King, Great is thy faithfulness, Oh God my father.
ppss. SPC cards are awsome.

Meditation

2007-09-15T21:37:00.000-05:00

I want you to notice
When I'm not around
Your (all)so very special
I wish I was special

But am I('m) a creep am I('m) a weirdo
What the fuckin hell am I doing here?
(I) Don't I really belong here?
______________

Last nights stars were so bright.

Silence is company, 3 can be just as good, 4's a crowd.
______________
Counting...
The two of you, the other two ,Me leaving
__________

Words are enough to save a night.

Words a bright enough.
_______________

Vast beauty made is only a reflection of true/real beauty. (I love you Lord, because you first loved me; and gave me the ablility to love you)
_________

If you wanna view paradise

2007-08-21T14:07:00.000-05:00

So what ever happened to our immaginations. When we were children it was all about the little things we loved at the time. Envisioning piloting a robot. Being a superhero. Being a kung fu master. Envisioning the vastness of the world you stood on.

But then we grew older and we started imagining the future. What the next day would hold, and that was exciting. Highschool ahead, a whole lifetime of play left, plaground time, recess. 15 min. or 40 min. or on those extra special days (insert #). We lived for somthing, we lived life to the fullest. School was fun, though no one ever admitted it. It was a place to be free w/ friends, and explore our own minds and grow.

Then we came to highschool. grade 9. I am afeared I asure you. Meeting new people, still not completly sure who you are, but want to get to know yourself better through new people, and growning (I seem to have a main word, or thesaurased version of a word for the blogs I write, I wonder if anyone else notices that) with your friends that stuck with you to this new plataue.

Then the *blank* starts. You start losing friends, some reasons are good, sometimes you just drift. You lose part of yourself trying to find a new you, an older you, a more matures you. Wow I'm going off topic of imagination. Well going back to grade 9. You immagin all the fun times your going to have w/ all these new people. all the fun times w/ your old and new friends, all the possiblities we had in front of us. We could actully be the things we really wanted to be if we truely belived.

So back to the *blank*, we start immagining the worst in life, the worst in people, though we still believe in goodness (well most of us) in the world, we immagine the hard trek ahead, the crap we have to face, the bullshit that has effected our lives, and made us feel down, the fake love, the fake crushes, the mirages of bullshit immagination we make oursleves belive are true, but not things that would bring us true happiness, not the things we dreamed of when we were younger. We think of the shit in our world, we stop believing half of the time.
The times we have that are happy we thank God for, but then so quickly forget, as we have forgetten the innocent days. We lose sight of what is immportant to us, even though we try so hard. and then all the blanks we try to fill in with our immagination. our STAINED immagination. Our black immagination. WE start to TRULY see things that arn't real. WE KILL OURSELVES thinking of, and making up the pages we're missing.

I'm at a blank right now, but there is so much more, so to be continued.
Though at the end of this I was going to say to be continued anways cause we arn't done living yet are we.

(So without further ado)

To be continued....

P.s. I still think that we all have a little bit of kid left in us, wanting/immagining/(hopfully)striving to be somthing more then we are.
I wanna be captain america. (except canadian, but that dosn't sound as cool)

2007-08-01T21:53:00.000-05:00

I think my summers at home make me numb in the head, if it weren't for this computer I believe I would forget how to speak and think at all. Or of course that would free me and I would have a better more fulfilled summer, cause so far its sucked, other then... uhh yeah know.

You ever have people you expect so much from, that when it actually gets down to it they let you down, but only because you set your standards so high in the first place? Its even worse when its a friend, isn't it?

Oh and an extension of that , putting myself out there: when you built up a pursona of someone you have a like on that you actually fall for the person, but not the actual person but the being you have concocted in your mind. and even further,(this part is for every kind of relationship not just the crush kind) you want to get to know the person, but since the person is built so high up in your head that you can't approch the person very easily if at all, and makes you afraid to bring your relationship further. Wow I've always wanted to have this convo with someone, but it really is almost an impossible topic to set the stage for. On that note, I've said to much and will now conclude.

It feels like its just me but it always seems to happen that other people seem have the same thoughts. Heres hopein' Cheers.

Slipping Through the Cracks (aka. other half of the bridge)

2007-06-28T18:50:00.000-05:00

http://www.podomatic.com/media/listen/Slipping_Through_the_Cracks_1.mp3

Username: abpheonix
Password: coolss

added:
Its just another mistake.

You left it all behind you
Thinking it was fine
I'm screaming at lungs top
Why can't I make you stop
I guess your just following your line

Slipping through the Cracks

2007-06-16T18:17:00.000-05:00

You always think there's time left
Do it later its ok
Time is slowly running out

you think the day was long
theres no way your wrong
Time is running out

The clock is done and time has run
slipping through the cracks
You had your fun
Wish you could take it back
your time is running through the cracks

You smile and believe
that the next time you will choose right
Times running out

But I know you'll procrasitnate
you could've had so much to love
Times run out

The clock is done your time has run
slippping through the cracks
You had your fun
Wishing you could take it back
But your time has run out slipping through the cracks

Give me one last chance
Give me one last chance
Give me one last chance
Give me one last chance
Give me one last chance
Give me one last chance

Time's not alive
its just a dance
it just goes by till you say good bye
The clock is done your time has run
I cry on the boarder line,
at the walls I scratch
because now its me who's

(I'(a)m) slipping through the cracks

p.s. unfinished

p.p.s.s. check out agreen

Opposites Mix

2007-05-20T19:04:00.000-05:00

Life, friends, time, family

Everything stuck inbetween

Broken, left, alone

Happy with people

music, laughter, sailing, fun

you ignore me, crack

Sing on the school bus

Jealous lyrics seated there

Both of you are blind

Hearts not confilicted

Somthing feels wrong mixed with joy

Mind is conflicted

Mechanholy fills

ears ring with anothers joy

Home with miricles

Repeat repeat re

peat repeat repeat repeat

cry happy spirit

Damien Rice; Note to Abram Watch at school cause your internet sucks

2007-04-16T21:50:00.000-05:00

http://atvs.vg.no/player/?id=8336

Easter in a Box

2007-04-09T20:38:00.000-05:00

So finally on the last day of eater break I get my, wow easter, moment. yeah nothing new, another one of those things like, wow I FINALLy had that feeling. Same old same old.

but It was cool, it was red, that came from black, and will eventually go to white, but the red was my easter revelation, wow red, first book I ever REALly liked and got into, I thought black must be the best one, but red proved me wrong, especially on easter. I was like waw looking from a perspective of a more abstract easter it really hit me. The anguish of yoru own people betraying you, you trying to tell them (justin) and not listening. the pain the diciples must have felt know ing they could do nothing to save this man, GOD himself, Elyon, from death. THey knew he was God WHY didn't these people get it, its so simple, the God they were SUPPOSe to be worshiping, they betrayed themselves at the same time. "Forgvie them for they know not what they do." BLACK RED WHITE, Some of you know what I'm talking about:)

Easter WOW thank you, Remeber me/Jehova (God with us)
ps Iknow its spelt wrong.

Red water = Acceptance, and Faith
Bring my people to the red water
you will suffer and be prusecuted some will turn away
some will go back and face death
but keep your eyes on me

-Elyon

Blah

2007-04-03T21:02:00.000-05:00

The bowl is full but my I can only grab one at a time with time restrictions.

So I've been wondering, what od people talk about? Some people just always seem to be able to talk about somthing, how the heck?
What do people talk about? Somtimes I think I got lots to talk about then other times, I wanna say somthign , ANYTHING, talk about SOMTHING, but theres NOTHING!

wow sounds like a song. So WHat DO people talk about!!!
Where do they pull these topics out of!
What do you talk about when there is absolutely nothing to talk about!!
What the frik do you talk about!!

So lets say your just hanging, what the frik do I do, WHAT!!!!!! dammit its like a curse !! Why does there ever have to be a point where youwanna talk to somthing but you can't!!
Some say , oh its ok... but hat the frik you can't really do anything if you ahve nothing to talk about!!! dammit!!!

[insert picture here)

P.S. where the heck do I find a video of talent night!

I know a guy..

2007-03-31T14:59:00.000-05:00

So I was reading the paper today, while online, reading up on media logs etc, then going to my usual peruse throught the science and tech section, reading up on different issuse and dicoveries when I noticed somthing odd.
[Is love the one you think about all th time, or the one in the back of you mindyou really never want to lose. ]
While reading a article and the trees in our city , and environmental issues I see Ubbens. I'm like no way, bullshit, so I keep on reading for a few seconds, but its stuck in my mind, because mr. ubbnes is a tree dude. so I press ctrl F and find for Ubbens and what do you know, Richard Ubbens, hly crap that is cool. And I gained a greater respect for him, and all the tree stuff mrs. ubbens taught us(TCSers) in middle school. And if your an ubbens or somone close to them your probably not impressed but I was, yeah good stuff. Hmm mabye I should* be an environmentalist....
[is the one your suppose to be with forever , and become one with, the one it works with, or the one who you know there will be problems , + the ladder.] [for future abram if you ever find this, sappy stuff I hope no one ever finds]
Next time :U tube video of abram at TDCh talent show :)
*I was thinking about it
Shit Why cant i find the right colour!

Depression

2007-01-06T22:21:00.000-05:00

Can't think straight,
can't think,
sliding deeper,
sliding farther, faster,
dark purple, mindless,
just waste time, meaningless,
can't seem to finish anything,
can't work,
just sit, redo somthing that is meaningless to begin with,
try somthing again that you know did not work the first time,
almost no one there to slow me down,
fake, mirage pillars, false hope, false truth, false
just falling,
what went wrong, it came so fast, sudden,
everthing, everyone, still rising, me just sinking,
don't even know, things that used to be lifting, are now empty, false hope,
empty empty empty fake, repeat fakeness, repeat , repeat, repeat, fuck this, no! REPEAT!!!! can't even fall right, repeat empty fake false, sink , sudden kill mindless deep, ramble useless thought empty. fU((!^& shit

11:00 I am insane, definition of insanity, doing somthing over and over and expecting a different conclusion.

P.s. if you could leave a name of an awsome song w/ a guitar in it that would be
crazy.

Pan's Labyrinth

2007-01-04T19:41:00.000-05:00

Pierced with rubber blades x_x

This Week in the News...

2006-12-18T22:32:00.000-05:00

Much Ado About Nothing

Abram started and finshed a production, with the amazing talent of his drama class, that may never be seen again. Quote:
"I loved this production, though it wasn't my favorite play, The talent that was there really stood out to me. I am of course afraid how it will compare to next years play, we really need some fresh talent."

He was said to have been depressed all of friday night, and saturday morning.

Opnion section : False Prophets

From Abram Chan,
I went to some church (pr@yer p@l@ce) on sunday and some gay ass minister tried to bullshit and brainwash children, and famlies by distorting, and lying about the Bible. I was frikin pissed, and was angry enough to want to run up and kick his ass infront of the whole congregation. I seriosly felt nothing but anger, if I may say so very rightouse anger. The whole way home I was thinking of ways to do bad things to this man without reprecussions, thankfully my blind rage was cleared up by the time I got home, and all that was left was rightous, anger.

Fun in the GTA

Wow you know thistown can really be very fun if your with the right people. Just remeber don't rent 4 movies if your planning of hanging out more closely with your friends. Only rent a movie if you have time to waste. Or of course if you plan time ahead for a really good movie.

Obitchuary

Abram Chan died to day from too many frkin projects, and homework. It was a sad demise. Quote from his zombie:
"This was not an accident, the teachers new the work load was going to pone me and decdied it was their christmas gift to me. To kill me. The sad thing is that this could have been prevented. (Spoof alert)

Missing

You know who you are, we (are going to) miss you. Even though your so far from actually leaving.

Special: Wish you a merry Christmas and a Happy New Year

All right christmas is 7 days away. I hope we all have fun with our families.
Sweet! Can't wait for those awsome new years parties I keep on hearing about. (We seriosly gotta do it. It will be so frikin awsome!!) Remeber guys save time for new years to hang with your friends, but Christmas is definatly all about family. Love Peace and Joy. to you all.

Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night! o<\;)>

Confusing Awsomeness

2006-12-12T19:34:00.000-05:00

Opening Night... eh day... Yeah but today I am marking the opening day of Much ado about Nothing. It took awhile but we're finally here. Can't wait for thurday. but I have so much homework to do its almost a little depressing.I hope we get a full house on the nights , and do super well.

Yea so today we did awsome, but it seems alot of people got confused about some small parts. Oh well nathan screamed and Maddy said that the marriage scene finally had enough energy. SWEET. Peace out Bloggas

Is it just me aka Much ado about nothing

2006-12-05T20:54:00.000-05:00

So is it just me. Isn't it wierd when you talking to someone, and you talk about somting, and then suddenly it seems b/t you there is nothing left to talk about on the topof your head. But then they go to somone else and talk about this huge thing.? Its probably just me...

Oh and everyone go to much ado about nothing.!!! Also because we have to work all nights this week for the play, and staying over thursday night to friday, (more reason for you to go) I may not get a song to you guys this week. Maybe I should sing to all blog people live..... :) ... ehhhhhhhh maybe not...."_"

Christmas Felt

2006-12-01T21:50:00.000-05:00

Wow christmas seems so close. Yet it is really 24 days away. By then we'll be done the play. Studying for exams. And doing stuff for the next play. And the christmas concert at school will have ended a while back. O_o

So yes christmas is coming. For me I really don't feel christmas for long periods of time. In recent years not even on Christmas day. But, instead, at just various times, like when eating and praying w/ family, and singing carols. Last years strongest christmas moment for me was actually sitting in my car, listening to christmas songs on the radio and singing along on the way to youth group.
I really wish I could feel christmas day.

ppss. Words of AZN: I finally thought I was over you but cupids arrow pierced me through.

Christmas Project X 1

2006-11-29T20:41:00.000-05:00

Get your own Flash MP3 Player

:)

2006-11-25T22:55:00.000-05:00

I can't help but feel like a stinky guy that makes people wanna run. I just got into blogging now everyone wants to stop . Whats w/ that. Everyone will blog or I will stink you all to death!!!

LOL

2006-11-22T22:09:00.000-05:00

Yeah someone help me on what Robinsen said exactly but on this day to be remebered in history forever, Robinsen said b*t(h in class while trying to lecture us on somthing completely idifferent. And if you mr. robinsen are reading this, don't worry the blogging world is smaller then you think. :) LOl so funny completely was worth a day of school.

Everyone Elses Blog

2006-11-18T18:32:00.000-05:00

So lets check up one everyone:
Jonathan is writing random crap that only he and phil understands.
Andy and Joh are never blogging again.
Jeneska is going through the plague.
John is sukking up to all the girls with childhood pictures, genius by the way.
Jackie, is now quoting Jack Johnson everywhere, even in comments, and maybe doesn't even know it herself.
Tara and Beth are having a Aladdain death match.
Lenor is complaining about not having a flood.
Kathleen is smiling in her corner of the world and learning about her religion.
Phil is still doing crazy amazing art.
And Brent is dweling on the past and his past poetry.
Elena is talking about her extra time a school, EXTRA TIME!!!.
Emily is sharing her dark cool side.
Nicole is hmm I should check that out....
Some blogs are still out there for the finding.
And EVERYONE is talking about how they are in a stage where thier world is changing.
Finally Abram is in his own parallel universe just oberserving everyone, trying to find stuff to do.

If I forgot somone sry.

The Red Stain

2006-11-16T21:19:00.000-05:00

I know it was last week, and everything, But since we're having an assembly tmrw. yeah..
So I made a video, for tmrw, I hope you guys like it. It took me the day, and skipping 2 classes to finish it. Plus I didn't even get it perfect the way I wanted too. still flawed, b/c of time constraintes. So yes I hope it gets you thinking at least a litte. Please feel free to tell me about what you thought about the assmbly here.

2006-11-14T23:27:00.000-05:00

Get your own Flash MP3 Player

Where is everyone?

2006-11-13T19:54:00.000-05:00

Common people comment!!! HOw do I know what your thinking if you don't comment!! THnk you for the people who do your feedback is very much appreciated. Heress an apple I drew today I hope you like the out come. I will post one of my works earlier that day in class. Then the good one I did at home. PLEASE COMMENT :)

Fun

2006-11-12T23:33:00.000-05:00

Hmm what should I blog today? well I guess I"ll just have some fun. *gone for 5 min*

Tada this is what I came up with :)

HOpe you like it :) Artist feel free to critique!

Remeberance Day

2006-11-11T19:22:00.000-05:00

sry I should have posted this instead of my sefish bullshit. Please take time to remeber those who died. Please remember each as a hero even though all of them may not have been. And also please remeber those who are alive and if you know anyone who was a veteran, no matter who they are please thank them. All it takes is two min. Thank you.

Times this by 1000, and you'll get at least a small undersatanding of what was lost. Remeber each cross does not represent a body, but a life, a family member, a friend,who died.

Oh and don't forget the living thnk them too eh?

Lastly this is cheezy but please thnk the Lord, that goodness could have won that day. And for all that you have. So why did he let people die. Well I know he love me and the people around me, I can say that. I have a lot of theories and crap if any of you ever wanna discuss it but for now I guess I hope we all get to the Lord one day and get to ask him together. :)

Ying and Yang (aka karma)

2006-11-11T17:05:00.000-05:00

Ok so today is good and bad as you can see by title.

First the bad, dammittt!!! Today I took my G1 test and failed the Road Rules part. Meh whatever take it again the same day right? WRONG. Your saying so why didn't you you idoiot. So I will reply, well after I finished my test and was waiting for results the lady in front of me failed.

Lady: So can I take the test again right now?

Guy at Desk: NO

Lady: Why can't I?

Guy: Why do you mean why can't you (you dumbass)

Lady: *stands there stupidly* Can I do my test again?

Guy: *ignores*

Lady: Hello?

Guy: WHAT!! I told you you can't take it again cause its saturday, and we don't allow people sometimes to take it again on saturdays.*Lady leaves disheartened*Fuck what an idiot hey?*talks to other guy at desk*... Abram. You have to do the road part of your test again.

Abram: Ok.. *leaves casually, but also pissed*

Yeah so damn. Anways ther ewas a good part. Found a wicked genuine leather jacket for 59.99 BUCKS!! Frikin Sweet. Then I got my brushes tooo and some paints awsome. Plus I ate lost of good food today. And some other good stuff.

I guess good comes with bad.Thats life.

Remember That Burn

2006-11-10T23:10:00.000-05:00

*reminder to post picture*

Phil: Hey look those are tiremarks.

Abram: Whoa tire marks!! I see it now, I get it.

Phil and John: Its so artistic. *sarcasm*

Bethany: Yeah she's flat too.

Everyone at upper left ledge: LOL

Nice on Beth :) So funny

Third and Final Post of the Day

2006-11-09T22:28:00.005-05:00

So I have been through most everyones blogs. Wow good job my friends.

So I decided to post thsi to mark the day we did an awsome fashion show. If your not in art shame on you, if you say its cause you don't like, it shame even more, if you say you just didn't have time, that is just sad, I am sry for you. So yes ot was amazing and today I recieved very mixed reviews about my shirt, aka my body:

there was the wow was that your real body :) *smile*

thn there was the laugh. :) I love the smiles, an laughing, it makes me feel warm inside (very gay statement I know)

Finally those who were very negative and said lol you skinny retard, those of you who said this, were you the only ones telling the truth, tor are you just an asshat, that if for the people to decide.

And to all those who supported me and my fellow art class, thank you, even those of you who may never read this blog.

sry for those of you that think I am gay ( feel a little gay in todays blog, so..) and fruity

Third and Final Post of the Day

2006-11-09T22:28:00.003-05:00

Few minutes after the begining

2006-11-09T20:08:00.000-05:00

So this is my first official post. So I wanna give you somthing to look at,. Hope you like it.

All People come to me

2006-11-09T19:43:00.000-05:00

Add this blog to your links everyone that is seeing this. I weill first create a huge connection of people then this blog will be worth somthing. Do IT

The Frame Machine

Parenting note

Lyric of the day

The days ahead

June 4, 2010

Poem

Everything in Transit

New years Resolution

Around the else

Can't

[Empty line for an old Cliche]**

"insecure" is a cool sounding word

Bitten? the magic penny?

Regrets beta 1 : for and for not

Song Sample Version. 2.3

This is a MUST

Remodeling is fun

This my friends is ART

Blarg #364

Nothing Profound

Its about the right time again

List

In case I ever forget

hee hee hee

Piano Working Title : Masks

In the begininggg

Deleted History

Thanks to You

What is this world coming to *tear*

A Thought of Yesterday

Meditation

If you wanna view paradise

Slipping Through the Cracks (aka. other half of the bridge)

Slipping through the Cracks

Opposites Mix

Damien Rice; Note to Abram Watch at school cause your internet sucks

Easter in a Box

Blah

I know a guy..

Depression

Pan's Labyrinth

This Week in the News...

Confusing Awsomeness

Is it just me aka Much ado about nothing

Christmas Felt

Christmas Project X 1

:)

LOL

Everyone Elses Blog

The Red Stain

Where is everyone?

Fun

Remeberance Day

Ying and Yang (aka karma)

Remember That Burn

Third and Final Post of the Day

Third and Final Post of the Day

Few minutes after the begining

All People come to me

What is this world coming to tear